


Major Bummer

by Fleepfloop



Category: iZombie (TV)
Genre: Brains, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Friendship, Humor, One Shot Collection, Zombies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:47:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23340448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fleepfloop/pseuds/Fleepfloop
Summary: A series of unfortunate events in which Major keeps eating teenage girl brains...because the world needs more of this right now.
Relationships: Major Lilywhite/Liv Moore
Kudos: 6





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Note: I've been binge-watching this series while practicing social distancing, and I realized that I needed more Major on teenage girl brains. The episode had me laughing hysterically, so this will be a series of loosely connected one-shots revolving around that concept.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Please be nice.

Day one...

Liv and Ravi arrived on the scene, walking into the third-floor apartment in a complex with multiple units that all looked the same. They only knew the victim they were there to examine was famous because the dispatcher on duty that night had been a fan. 

“I read somewhere that Brett Underswift was in town teaching music appreciation at the local community college.” Ravi said as they walked past the police cars in the parking lot.

“Who?” Liv asked.

“Only the most popular country music star on the radio in 2005, part of the singing duo, Underswift and Oaks.” Ravi gushed. “Everybody knows about Jason Oaks, he’s got seven platinum records, two Grammy’s and a seat on the judging panel for _America Likes to Sing_!”

“Then explain why the other half of that duo is teaching at a community college in Seattle,” Liv replied as she snapped her exam gloves into place. “I think the partner is probably the first suspect we should interview.”

“Brett was making a comeback,” Ravi argued, “He has a brand-new album releasing next week.”

“It will be his last,” declared Detective Clive Babineaux, flashing his badge at the crime scene guys as he ducked under the tape and entered the room. “Any idea what happened yet?”

“We just got here,” Liv pointed out. “Where’s the body?”

Clive directed the medical examination team into the next room, which was decorated just as minimally as the rest. Inside the room lay the body of Brett Underswift.

“His teenage daughter Emily is in the next room.”

Liv and Ravi got to work. Ravi suspected that the victim’s cause of death was blunt force trauma to the head, caused by the music award found in the room next to the daughter, but wouldn’t be able to confirm until after a thorough examination at the morgue. 

Clive bagged the golden statue as evidence, hoping that forensics might be able to lift the killer’s prints, and left the medical examination team to do their thing while he went to interview some of Underswift’s neighbors. 

* * *

  
Liv had just finished cooking the brains of Brett and Emily Underswift into a pair of vegetable and cheese quiches when Major arrived.

“Something smells delicious,” he declared. “Who are we eating?”

“Country music superstar Brett Underswift and his daughter Emily,” Ravi replied, staring lustfully at the quiches. A timer sounded and Liv pulled a third quiche from the oven.

“Vegetarian,” she announced to Ravi and Clive, “for the living.”

“I contacted the ex-wife,” Clive announced, “she’s been at a business conference in Atlanta for the last week. The hotel confirmed her reservations, and sent a program listing her as a speaker for the event. Photos on Facebook confirm her appearance. She was attending a special dinner at the time of the murders.”

“So that rules out the spouse,” Liv replied smugly.

“There’s still the ex-partner angle,” Clive replied. “We’re still trying to get in touch with his people.”

The whole crew sat down to eat. Shortly after that, Liv retrieved her guitar and started strumming.

“Oh no,” Major groaned, knowing what would come next. He checked his reflection in the stainless steel of the exam table, adjusting a strand of hair that had fallen out of place. “I ate the teenage girl, didn’t I?”

Soon, Liv was writing song lyrics about everything and everyone that she came in contact with, while Major attempted to use his infamy as the Chaos Killer to become a social media influencer.

“Hashtag, Chilling at the morgue!” he exclaimed, typing furiously on his phone after taking a selfie with Liv and Ravi.

“Did you just post that to Instagram?” Ravi groaned, rubbing his temples as he experienced flashbacks to Liv’s stint as a social media influencer.

“You just, like, don’t understand my vision,” Major replied without looking up. “I want people to pay attention to me.”

“Even bad attention?” Clive asked. “Aren’t you even a little worried that the public may see this as an admission of guilt?”

“The public is stupid. Any attention is good attention,” Major replied with a dismissive wave of his hand. He put the phone in his back pocket and stood up. “I’ve got to go. I’ll, like, tweet you if anything comes to me.”

“Okay Sweetie, have fun at mercenary training!” Liv called as her ex-fiancée walked out the door.

“That is still so bizarre,” Clive said once the door was shut.

“You get used to it,” Ravi said with a shrug as he weighed Emily Underswift’s liver.

“Liv, you ready to go see what a country music star was doing working at a community college?”

“I sure am, Clive-er-Rooney! Let’s skee-daddle!”

“Lord help me,” Clive grumbled, rolling his eyes sky-ward as he followed her out to his car.

* * *

  
“A housekeeper found the bodies,” Clive said as they left the police station, “we’ll be interviewing her this afternoon. However, one of the neighbors told me that Underswift has all sorts of lady visitors, at all hours. Implied that the man never had a shortage of female bodies to keep his bed warm at night.”

“Did they give you any names?” Liv asked. Clive shook his head.

“By the sounds of it, Underswift kept mostly to himself, with the exception of these nightly visitors. The neighbor talked about trying to befriend him when he first moved here three years ago. Apparently Underswift didn’t offer much of a warm welcome.” 

Liv googled Brett Underswift while Clive drove.

“Brett divorced his wife Amelia in 2007, when she ran off with his partner Jason Oaks. There was a nasty custody battle, during which Underswift spent most of his money on fancy lawyers, only to lose. The wife has custody of Emily during the school year, Underswift only has her for a few weeks in the summer. Underswift hasn’t released a new song in the last three years,” she read. “That would be around the time he moved here. Apparently, he was first runner-up on _Dancing with the Stars_ last season, and Emily has had some run-ins with the law. Mostly DUIs. His last song, ‘The Devil Took My Dog’ is still on the top country charts.”

Liv clicked on a YouTube video and played the song.

“Catchy,” said Clive. “Now that you mention it, I remember seeing the stuff about the divorce on the covers of tabloids in the grocery store. You might want to warn Major that he’s eaten the brain of a teenage alcoholic.”

That was when Liv had a vision.

“What did you see?” asked Clive.

“Underswift and his daughter were arguing. He was upset about her drinking, and was threatening to send her back to rehab. She was screaming about how he was ruining her life.”

“Hmm,” said Clive, “I wonder what makes a teenage girl turn to alcoholism.”

“Absent parents?” Liv suggested, continuing to scroll through Underswift’s Wikipedia page.

* * *

  
Major frowned as he read the comments on his Instagram feed. Everyone seemed to know who he was, but nobody seemed to like him. Being famous was just, like, so fricken hard. It wasn’t like he had even killed anybody. Gawd, life was just so unfair! He took a selfie in the locker room after training, shirtless and still glistening with sweat. He knew he looked good. Hashtag, iworkout.

“Damn it,” he glared at the phone as he edited and posted the photo to his Instagram feed, “tell me I’m pretty!”

“What?” asked one of the guys on his squad, who was looking at him with a frown.

“I’m on teenage girl brain again,” Major said sheepishly, regaining his own thoughts for long enough to feel embarrassed by his actions. He grabbed a towel and hurried toward the showers, carefully avoiding eye contact with everyone. “It’s literally, like, the worst!”

He left Fillmore Graves feeling anxious and craving a vodka cranberry.

* * *

Day 2...

  
The second day Liv arrived at the crime lab dressed in jeans and a plaid button down. She had completed the outfit with cowboy boots and a wide brimmed hat. Clive, used to Liv’s frequent personality changes, said nothing. Ravi left at lunch and returned dressed similarly.

“Have you seen my guitar?” Liv asked at one point as she and Ravi worked on an autopsy.

“Yes, actually,” Ravi laughed. “Apparently, the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. Emily, it seems, had her mind set to make music her career also. Unfortunately, based on the awful noises coming from Major’s room last night, the poor girl never had a chance.”

* * *

  
When Liv and Clive went to interview Underswift’s colleagues at the community college they encountered many students and several staff members who appeared completely devastated by his loss. 

“Mr. Underswift was a fantastic addition to our staff,” declared Abigail Stanley, the young office assistant at the community college had offered them an extensive interview. The detectives now knew everything about Underswift’s class schedule, who his favorite students were, and what type of sandwich he brought for lunch most days. Ms. Stanley had also joined them as they examined Underswift’s office, insisting because she had a spare key and knew all of his passwords. “Students applied here just to take his music classes. He was an inspiration to everyone.”

“Ms. Stanley, can you think of anybody who might have wanted to hurt Mr. Underswift?” Liv asked.

The assistant frowned.

“Ms. Stanley, if you have any information, you need to tell us,” Clive said sternly.

“I can’t think of anyone with reason to harbor ill will towards Mr. Underswift. You might want to talk to Elizabeth Thompson though. She’s the head of our English department. Those two became very close very quickly, if you know what I’m saying..”

“I think I do.” Clive replied. He had to force himself to keep looking at Ms. Stanley when he noticed Liv staring off into space. “Thank you for your time, Ms. Stanley.”

* * *

  
“What did you see?” Clive asked once he and Liv were back in his car and on their way to his favorite coffee place.

“Brett Underswift was sleeping with Abigail and she was jealous of the other women in his life. She was crying, begging him to be with her only, and he wasn’t interested.”

“That sounds like motive,” Clive replied. “and, it’s very suspicious that Abigail didn’t mention her relationship with Underswift.”

“True,” agreed Liv, “that woman was a real chatty-Kathy.”

“Let’s go see Elizabeth Thompson the English professor next. Abigail sounded especially hostile towards her.”

“Sure,” replied Liv, glancing up from her phone. “Ravi wants us to pick him up a soy vanilla latte.”

* * *

  
After pulling an all-nighter filming and editing an introduction video for his new YouTube channel, RealChaos, and needing to be at mercenary training, Major finally gave into Emily’s craving. He walked into a bar and sat down, checking his hair with the front-facing camera on his cell phone. He ordered a vodka cranberry despite his own personal tastes and the strange looks from the bartender. 

“Whatever you want, man,” the bartender replied, grumbling about fruitcakes as he prepared the cocktail. As the bartender placed the drink on the bar in front of him, Major had a vision.

It was a different bar, but the same drink. A man sat on the stool next to him sipping scotch and discussing a plan that would make them rich.

Major grabbed his phone and texted Liv with the news. Then he snapped a picture of his drink and posted it to Instagram. Hashtag, Day Drinking!

* * *

Liv and Clive had spent the morning chasing several leads that didn't pan out. The housekeeper didn't speak a word of English, and Ms. Stanley claimed to have simply forgotten to mention her relationship with the deceased. She had filled them in, and had given way more information than they needed.

Liv was sitting next to Clive in the front seat of his car scrolling through Major's latest Instagram posts when she got the text. She quickly relayed the message to Clive.

“Major says the daughter and some guy had big plans to get rich. Did Underswift have a huge life insurance policy? What about a will?”

“But why kill Emily then?” Clive asked. “if she was in on it, what changed? Could Major describe the guy to a sketch artist?”

Liv sent a text to find out.

* * *

  
Professor Elizabeth Thompson was a tall woman dressed in a blue button down and a tight skirt. Her blonde hair was twisted into a bun and she wore tortoise shell glasses.

“Sexy librarian thing,” Liv grinned at Clive, “am I right?”

Clive rolled his eyes.

“It’s not me,” Liv said, “it’s Underswift.”

Clive groaned, and suggested that Liv let him do most of the talking.

Professor Thompson met with them at the police department.

“What can you tell us about Brett Underswift?” Clive asked, watching the woman’s face as he said the name. She flinched.

“Obviously Abigail told you Brett and I were having an affair,” Professor Thompson sighed. “There’s no use denying it. That woman tells everyone everything she knows. It was just for fun. Brett was a nice enough guy, and I had a thing for his music back when he was popular. I guess you could call me a fan. My husband wanted to try an open marriage. I agreed.”

“Not many people around here seem to know much about Brett. Where were you on the night of the Underswift murders?” Liv asked, taking a seat at the table next to Clive.

“Brett liked it that way. When Amelia ran off with Jason, he spent most of his money trying to keep custody of Emily. Then Jason hired a lawyer and cut Brett out of the business. He’s only been able to legally play music for the last year. Several of the songs on his new album are about me. Anyway, I was at home with my husband. You can ask him. He made fajitas.”

“We’ll do that,” Clive said as he wrote down the information. “Can you think of anyone who might want to hurt Brett or his daughter?”

“Brett was teaching music classes at the community college, and offering private guitar lessons at his apartment. Maybe one of his students got upset? He did mention this one girl who was just impossible to work with, he never gave me a name though,” replied Professor Thompson. “As for the daughter, I only met Emily once. The girl seemed like a brat. Brett and I were on a date at Drink and Be Merry, the bar on 17th, and we saw her with a much older man. Brett threatened to call the police and Emily had a tantrum. The older man took off.”

“Could you describe this man to a sketch artist?”

Professor Thompson nodded.

* * *

  
Major arrived at the police department and he was very drunk. He took a selfie with Detective Cavanaugh and peed in a potted plant on Lieutenant Devore’s desk.

“I believe this is yours,” Cavanaugh said with a big grin as he led Major to Clive’s desk.

“Thanks man,” Major told Cavanaugh sincerely, “you are literally the best. Like, I can’t even.”

Cavanaugh laughed nervously, looked at them all like they were crazy, and left to go handle his own case. Major tried to take a selfie with Liv and Clive, but leaned over too far and fell out of his seat. 

“Easy there,” Liv said, rushing around Clive’s desk to help Major up. “Are you drunk?”

“Me? Never.”

“You so are, young man,” Liv replied. “You’re being sloppy in public. I’m not mad though, I’m just disappointed.”

“Can I have my phone please?” Major asked, reaching for the device Liv had lifted from the floor. Her hand clutched around it tighter.

“Clive, has anyone taken a look at Emily’s phone? Major has been obsessed with his since he ate the quiche. There might be something on Emily’s that will tell us why somebody might want her dead.”

“Good idea. I’ll have somebody from IT take a look at it,” Clive agreed.

Major described the guy from his vision to Jimmy the sketch artist.

“He had a round face, but it was long-ish. Like an oval, but more angular like a rectangle. I guess. A strong, manly jaw. Mmm. The most perfect eyebrows…”

This was when Liv noticed that he had somehow gotten his phone back and was describing his last selfie. She yanked the phone from Major’s hand and showed the image to the sketch artist. Frustrated, Jimmy ripped up his drawing.

“No fair!” Major whined.

“You can have this back after you describe the man you saw at the bar.” 

Major pouted, but did as he was told. Once the image was constructed, he held his hand out expectantly to Liv. Liv gave him a high-five and slipped the phone into her purse.

Ravi joined them with cause of death.

“You are literally the worst.” Major screamed, “I hate you!”

“You’re lucky I know that’s just the brain talking,” Liv said, “or you would be in serious trouble, young man.”

“You’re not the boss of me.” 

Clive examined the two drawings and decided that they were of the same man, Underswift’s former partner Jason Oaks. Liv had a vision that left her panting.

“What did you see?” Clive asked.

“That guy, Oaks, cornered Brett in the parking garage at the apartment complex, pinned him against a concrete wall and threatened to destroy him if he released his new record!”

“He lives in Nashville,” Ravi replied helpfully.

Clive did some fast googling. “Oaks is in Seattle for a music festival this week. If we go now, we might be able to talk to him before he leaves town.”

This time the entire gang piled into Clive’s car. Clive and Liv sat in the front while Ravi climbed into the back next to Major who was starting to look green.

“He’s not gonna hurl, is he?” Clive asked.

Liv shrugged helplessly, while Ravi looked around for a barf bag. The closest thing he could find was Clive’s police hat.

“He’s paying to have that dry-cleaned.” Clive reminded them all.

* * *

  
Clive pulled up to Seattle’s most popular five-star hotel and flashed his badge at the front desk to get Jason Oaks’ room number, then again to security as they stepped off the elevator to get onto the floor.

“Mr. Oaks will be right out,” an assistant wearing a headset informed them.

An hour later, Liv and Ravi were sitting in the floor discussing song lyrics, Major was sober and Oaks finally appeared.

“Sorry to keep ya’ll waiting,” he said, “what is this about?”

“Your former partner, Brett Underswift and his daughter Emily were murdered. Blunt force trauma to the back of the skull. We suspect that the murder weapon is a Grammy award that was found on the floor next to Emily. We have reason to believe it belonged to you.” Clive informed the country music sensation. Major had a vision.

“Me?” Oaks was dumbstruck by the accusation. “Brett and I used to be best friends, and I loved Emily like a daughter!”

“We have a witness that saw you threatening Underswift in the parking garage at his apartment complex.” Clive replied.

“You were, literally, in the apartment with Emily when her father came home,” Major gasped, pointing his finger at Oaks. “she just wanted to see your Grammy and was hoping that you could, like, help with her music career. Underswift threatened to call the police so you killed him. Emily saw all of it, so you, like, took care of her too.”

“That’s a load of nonsense.” Oaks replied.

“So then, you won’t mind giving us a DNA sample to test against the materials we found at the crime scene?” Clive asked.

Oaks glared.

“I was at the mansion giving the girl guitar lessons, that’s all. The poor girl didn’t have any talent at all, but she’s my step-daughter and I felt sorry for her. But Brett saw us a few days ago at Drink and Be Merry and decided to hit first and ask questions later. It was an accident. I didn’t mean to hit him as hard as I did.”

Clive reached for his handcuffs. “Jason Oaks, you have the right to remain silent…”

* * *

  
Day 3...

Liv retrieved the remaining portions of her Brett Underswift quiche from the fridge. There was just enough left for Major and she to have a slice. The man in question was sitting at her kitchen table stirring a vodka cranberry and trying out his new selfie stick.

Underswift had been a fairly low maintenance brain, and Major was eager to end the hormonal teenage girl feelings. His self esteem had taken a hit when YouTube had shut down his account, and he had been suspended from work because of his drunken behavior at the police station. 

“I’ll share this brain with you on one condition,” Liv told her ex-fiancée.

“I’ll do anything,” Major replied with a pout. He listed off several things that made Liv blush and one that made her gasp.

“Ew!” Liv shook her head. “That’s a hard pass from me. No. My only condition is that if we eat this brain right now, tonight we’re going out to do some ballroom dancing. This guy came in second on _Dancing with the Stars_ and I’ve wanted to bust a move for three days now, but I haven’t been able to find a partner.”

“Deal,” Major agreed very quickly. Compared to the things he had just offered, a night out dancing with his friends was getting off easy.


	2. Two

It was late on a Saturday night. Liv was in the kitchen experimenting with Enthusiasm-Brain laced egg salad recipes. While Peyton, Ravi and Major sat in the living room playing a card game. It was a known fact that Liv loved egg salad, and they had all spent the afternoon having a cook-off because somehow none of them had anything better to do. Now she sat on a barstool in front of the four heaping bowls, trying to pick a winner. 

Peyton had made a classic recipe Liv probably would have loved in her previous life, and then stirred in some ghost peppers. Major had soaked his in hot sauce. Ravi had somehow injected his hard-boiled eggs with some Frankenstein-ed concoction of ghost peppers and hot sauce, and then added more hot sauce just in case it wasn’t hot enough. Liv had tried adding more peppers to her most successful recipe to date. Of course, Liv and Major were the only ones who dared to sample the dishes because of the heat and the brain matter. Major, naturally, had declared himself the winner.

Liv loved all of her friends for trying, but none of the recipes were right. She wanted normal, human, non-spicy egg salad.

A large hand attached to a heavily muscled arm draped across Liv’s shoulder and dipped into the hot-sauced egg salad.

“Hey,” Liv protested, “that’s mine!”

“Do you know what I learned in Kindergarten, Olivia?” Major asked mockingly, licking his fingers.

“Definitely not table manners,” Liv replied.

“Ouch,” said Major, pouting. “I was gonna say sharing.”  
The two shared a laugh, and Liv handed Major a spoon.

“So, who won the game?” Liv asked, sampling Peyton’s egg salad again.

“Nobody,” Major snorted, “I was trying to talk Ravi into renting the apartment across from you guys and he and Peyton started arguing about Blaine. I felt like the third wheel, so I left them to it.”

“Boo,” Liv pouted, “I hope those two work things out.”

“Yeah,” agreed Major as he stuffed a spoonful of Ravi’s egg salad into his mouth and looked down at an old newspaper so that he didn’t have to say anything else about the topic. “We should go skydiving!”

“Enthusiasm-Brain?” Liv asked knowingly, glancing at her ex. Major shrugged.

“It makes sense, doesn’t it?” He asked, “think about it, it’s been on my bucket list for years, and now we’re basically indestructible!”

“Sure,” Liv agreed, “we’re already basically dead anyway, what have we got to lose?”

“That’s the spirit!” Major grinned widely. He circled an ad in the paper and took another bite of egg salad.

-X-

A little after midnight, Peyton and Ravi had made up and joined Liv and Major in the kitchen. The egg salad was in the fridge, and the four of them were consuming jalapeno poppers and copious amounts of alcohol. Ravi was quite drunk and Peyton, surprisingly enough, was on her way there as well. 

  
They had just toasted each other for absolutely no reason when Ravi’s phone rang. It was detective Clive Babineaux. Somewhere across town, a homecoming after-party had gotten way out of hand.

-X-

Day 1…

The nightshift medical team had gone to collect the bodies the night before and Ravi was extremely hungover. Liv was cheerful as ever, having consumed copious amounts of Enthusiasm-Brain. It could have been worse; Major had left the apartment that morning with a skip in his step and a song in his heart. So far today, Liv had resisted the urge to belt out any show tunes. They still had a long way to go, however, and there were two bodies to examine. 

A pair of sixteen-year-old twin sisters identified as Kara and Kourtney Lawrence. 

At first glance, Ravi never would have identified the girls as identical twins. That may have been due to the manners of their deaths, however. Kara had been found floating face down in a swimming pool, while Kourtney had been severely burned.

Photos of the girls revealed that Kara wore her wavy blonde hair long, while Kourtney had worn hers in a bright green pixi-cut. Kara’s makeup had looked natural and pretty, while Kourtney’s foundation was several shades too light and she overdid it with the red eyeshadow.

Bagged for evidence was Kara’s floral dress and several layers of tattered black clothing belonging to Kourtney.

“We have the homecoming queen and the Queen of the Damned,” Liv quipped.

“Here I thought we partied hard last night,” Ravi agreed, examining the girls. “Awful ways to go.”

Liv shuddered, imagining it. “Why would somebody do such a thing?”

“Let’s find out,” replied Ravi, handing her the bone saw.

-X-

Liv was frying the brains like chicken nuggets when Clive, Peyton and Major arrived. Two of the three had brought their own food, while Major generally assumed that Liv would be cooking something fantastic.

“Southern fried brains!” she declared, bringing two plates to the table along with a bottle of hot sauce. “Do you want the girl who drowned, or the girl who was burned alive?”

Major frowned.

“Surprise me,” he sighed.

“Are you sure you guys have to eat those?” Peyton asked, “No offence, I want to catch the killers too but those visions are going to be pretty intense. What if you remember their last moments?”

Major’s mouth was already full.

“I’ve eaten worse,” Liv replied, remembering Scott E. and the Devil.

“And I want to get the bastards who did this off the street,” Major agreed, dunking another brain nugget into the pool of hot sauce on his plate.

“Not all heroes wear capes,” Ravi proudly mocked his two zombie friends. “Some are frightfully pale and eat human brains.”

Major flipped them all off and Liv laughed. It was probably the last traces of the previous night’s Enthusiasm-Brain that made this seem like a good idea.

-X-

Liv and Clive headed off to interview the girl’s parents, and Major left for mercenary training. 

Peyton and Ravi had a quick powwow before heading back to work.

“Keep an eye on her, Peyton,” Ravi said. “I’m not sure who ate which brain, but those are both awful ways to die.”

“I will,” Peyton agreed, choosing not to mention that she didn’t need him to tell her, she had already been planning on it. “Liv is right though; she has eaten some pretty rough brains before. She’ll be okay.”

“I’ll just feel better knowing that you’re watching out for her,” Ravi replied, wrapping the remains of his apple in a napkin and throwing it into the trash. 

“I always look after her,” Peyton replied. Neither bothered to mention that time when she had found out her best friend was a zombie and left town for several months. That was all in the past, and Peyton had been doing her best to make up for her momentary lapse in judgement.

“Well,” Ravi said, wrapping up the rest of his lunch and collecting the box to stash in the office, “Alright then.”

“Alright,” Peyton agreed softly, watching him walk away from her before she left the morgue. Things had been awkward between them since she had started dating the reformed Blaine DeBeers. Ravi didn’t believe Peyton’s boyfriend was truly reformed, and Peyton didn’t care for her ex’s opinion on the topic.

-X-

Kara and Kourtney’s parents tried very hard to be helpful. They unpacked boxes of photo albums, made lists of both girl’s friends and were happy to let the detectives search the house for clues.

There were a few to be found. Kara was a cheerleader and spent most of her time hanging out with her friends and shopping at malls. She had many friends and boyfriend named Nick that her parents’ thought was bad news. They didn’t have any evidence; they just didn’t like him because he had a car and kept Kara out past curfew.

  
Kourtney was a strange case, all of her clothes were black, with the exception of a pile of handmade sweaters in the back of her closet. She kept lots of candles, an Ouija board and a pack of tarot cards on her desk. She also had books about witchcraft, and according to her diary, believed that she had summoned a demon that had possessed her sister. 

“Maybe Kara was acting strangely?” Clive suggested when Liv read him the passage.

Clive bagged everything as evidence, while Liv read the diary. It felt like a violation, but the girls were both dead and she was hoping to find something that would help catch the killer. 

-X-

Major’s squad was running laps because he had gotten shot in the head again during training. They were pissed about it and kept calling him rude names. The term was probably bullying, but adult male mercenary soldiers handle their own problems. 

“Come on, you guys,” he cheered as he jogged his five miles, exerting as much effort as possible without a boost of SuperMax. “We’re awesome, and we’ve totally got this!”

  
He even turned around to face his team and jogged backwards. Thanks to zombie-ism and his stint as a personal trainer, he was in the best shape of his life.

“What’s gotten into you, Lilywhite?” one of his squad members called out.

“Teenage girl brains,” Major shouted. He then demanded that his squad give him a “Z,” and proceeded to spell the word zombies. 

“Yay zombies!” he cheered as they completed another lap. “White squad is number one!”

Somebody managed to slap him upside the head, but Major literally could not stop smiling. If he didn’t love her so much, he would kill Liv for this.

-X-

Later that night, Liv showed up at Major and Ravi’s house dressed in black and holding a box of purple hair dye. Ravi protested. Major grinned.

“Let’s do it!”

After that, Ravi could only sit back and watch as Major tenderly ran his fingers through Liv’s white hair, coating it in the purple dye. They turned on a Hallmark Movie and bitched about how unrealistic the love story was. Ravi couldn’t help but laugh as the zombie ex’s acted like sisters. It was a rather sweet moment.

-X-

Day 2…

The next day, Liv arrived at the lab. The black clothing and purple hair weren’t a surprise for Ravi, but Clive was flabbergasted, and Vampire Steve decided to shoot his shot and ask Liv out on a date, which she accepted, much to the embarrassment of everyone.

Today Liv and Clive were planning to interview the kid who had hosted the party and Kara’s boyfriend Nick. Kourtney’s best friend Bethany was not at school.

First they interviewed the principal of the high school, Mr. Savord. There was more information about Kara then Kourtney, as the girl was both captain of the cheerleading squad and the newly crowned homecoming queen. Kourtney mostly hung out with her group of friends and didn’t cause any trouble.

They called Nick in first. Tall, dark hair, green eyes, scar on his right eyebrow. He’d been punched in the face during many a wrestling match. Handsome enough. He seemed fascinated by Liv’s hair.

“We’d like to ask you a few questions about the murder of Kara and Kourtney Lawrence,” Clive said. “I understand you had a relationship with Kara?

“Wait, Kara’s…dead?” Nick’s green eyes filled with tears and he cried for several minutes.

“Yes,” Clive replied, “she and her sister were both murdered early Sunday morning and we wanted to ask if you had any information about who might have wanted to hurt the girls.”

“What?” Nick asked, not giving anything away.

“Nicholas,” Liv asked kindly, despite her raging feeling that this was their guy, “can you think of anyone who might have wanted to cause harm to Kara or her sister?”

“No way,” the boy said quickly, maybe too quickly, “everybody loved Kara.”

Clive warned the teen not to leave town and let him go back to class. 

“Anything?” Clive asked, glancing at Liv once the teen was gone. Liv shook her head. Clive scowled.

Next, they were going to have a chat with the kid whose parents owned the house the party had been held at.

  
Carson Ernest had lawyered up and he wasn’t saying a word. He wouldn’t even admit to knowing the girls, and he certainly wasn’t giving the police security footage without a warrant.

“What a piece of work,” Clive said once the unsuccessful interview came to an end. “Rich parents, house with a pool, refuses to cooperate with the police…I like him for it.”

“We can’t hold the kid for being an asshole,” Liv replied

The trip felt like a waste, with no leads and no visions.

-X-

“Give me an ‘F’!” Major shouted. The growing group of men and women that made up the company just looked at him. A few called out the letter he had requested. “Give me an ‘I’!”

He proceeded to spell out ‘Fillmore Graves’, and then everyone yelled ‘Woo!’

Major was standing in front of the entire cooperation. Things had been going south for the leadership during a meeting, and Major’s cheerleader brain needed to pep everybody up. He felt no fear, only exhilaration. 

He was also flirting more than he normally would, with Kara’s mind at the wheel. Kara had pranced through life content to draw attention from every male that she met, and Major did catch himself sauntering a little more confidently. He flirted with everyone; male, female- it didn’t matter. Mostly, they all ignored him.

  
Major, maybe that was more of a ‘Kara thing’, didn’t like being ignored; so he did a round-off back-handspring, a toe-touch, and then ended with spirit fingers.

“Go zombies!”

“Bruh,” Justin said as the squad headed for the showers, “you gotta tone it down.”

“I think I ate a cheerleader,” Major groaned. He was also fairly certain he’d pulled a hamstring during that toe-touch.

“Dude, I thought you’d decided to stick with brain tubes after the last time this happened,” Zack laughed, slapping both zombies on the back as he raced around them to the food line.

-X-

Liv was getting frustrated by her lack of visions. She and Clive had interviewed the twin’s parents, the principal, Kara’s boyfriend, and the host of the party and still they had nothing. Either nobody knew anything, or nobody was talking.

Most likely it was the latter, so when Major called suggesting that they go shopping, Liv had agreed.

The two of them were now sitting in the mall food court drinking coffee and complaining about work. Liv had explained her lack of visions and Major had laughed about his limp.

“Man,” Liv laughed, “I can’t believe I’m missing ‘Cheerleader Major’.”

“Aw, I’ll always be your cheerleader,” Major replied lightly, though Liv could tell he meant it. 

The pair giggled again and Liv had a vision.

She was standing in line next to Bethany at the mall to order a giant soft pretzel, and she was holding a book about divining the future from tea leaves. She glanced over at a table where Kara was sitting with her friends and saw Kara walking towards the bathrooms with a man Liv had not seen before.

“Have you solved the case?” Major asked, looking away from a guy he’d been making eyes at across the room. Liv noticed and studied the guy for a moment.

“I just had a vision of Kara sneaking off to the mall bathroom with some guy,” Liv said, “have you gotten anything yet?”

“Injured,” Major replied. “I got injured.”

“I meant visions,” Liv rolled her eyes.

“Then no.”

Liv nodded and made a note to tell Clive about her vision, maybe she could describe the guy to a sketch artist. It was a start, at least.

“Alright then,” Liv decided, “I need to go to the bookstore, then I think we should get soft pretzels.”

“I love that idea so much!” Major exclaimed. Even though he was limping, he had no trouble keeping up as they did just that.

-X-

Peyton wasn’t surprised to come home and find Liv and Major watching a movie together. What did surprise her was that the movie they were watching was _Mean Girls_ , Major was wearing a t-shirt with a unicorn on it, and he was braiding Liv’s hair. There was half a pretzel on the counter next to a pile of used tea bags that had been cut open and emptied.

On the table next to two coffee mugs was a book about reading the future in tea leaves.

“Hey you two,” she said to the zombies that were currently watching tv in their pajamas. “Liv, can you come in here for a minute?”

Liv nodded and joined Peyton in the kitchen.

“What’s happening here?” Peyton asked, glancing from the weird tea business to the movie and Major’s shirt. “Are you guys getting back together, because I’m all for that!”

Liv shook her head. 

“We were at the mall and then I had a vision where Kourtney bought that book and Kara followed some guy into the bathroom. I didn’t know which part of the vision was more significant, so I bought the book and Major and I have been trying to read each other’s tea leaves. If this book is accurate, I’m going to lose a bet, and Major has lots of cats in his future. When I told him that, he had an awful vision and now we’re staying up all night watching romcoms. Join us, it’ll be like a sleepover!”

-X-

Day 3…

Ravi was upset because nobody had thought to invite him to the ‘Major had a traumatic vision and now none of us are sleeping’ sleepover.

“I’m just saying you could have called me,” he complained to Liv as the two of them worked on an autopsy.

Liv recorded the weight of the kidney she was holding and set it in a bowl.

“I’m sorry, Ravi,” she said, “this brain is almost like having a sister, who is a dude that I was once engaged to. It’s weird, but I felt like I had the situation under control. Before the traumatic vision, we were even having fun!” 

She had already described the man in her vision to Jimmy the sketch artist, and Clive though he might be a Utopium dealer. Major was there now trying to describe the guy who had held Kara under water.

Later, Clive came to see if Liv recognized the guy. She did, they had already interviewed him. They would be returning to the high school to ask more questions soon.

-X-

Today Major’s squad was on a mission to take down a cult that fed on human brains and was believed to be zombies. Fillmore Graves had received intel about a property in the mountains where they were said to gather and murder hikers. News had leaked out about a group of kids found at a campsite, heads smashed and brains missing. Zombies or not, it was dangerous information for the press to get their hands on, so command had ordered the troops to shut it down.

Major sat, geared up, between Justin and Zack. This wasn’t his first mission, but Kara’s brain was making him sentimental. This was his team. These were the guys who would catch him if he fell off of the pyramid. He was there to do the same for any of them.

“I just want you guys to know that whatever happens today, you guys are the best. This team has given me a new purpose in life. You guys accepted me when the whole world thought I was a serial killer, and that means so much to me. I can’t even. I love you guys!”

There was an awkward moment of silence, then an unfamiliar sound came out of Fortesan. Laughter?

“Somebody get Lilywhite a brain tube,” snapped the superior officer, “stat!”

-X-

At the high school, Liv and Clive interviewed Nick again. The teenage boy did not cry this time, and in fact he seemed annoyed that the police were still investigating the case.

“I’ve already told you everything that I know,” Nick told them.

“I’ve got witness reports telling me you lied about your location on the night of the murders. Somebody saw you at that party,” Said Clive.

“Fine,” Nick said, “I did go to the party. It was supposed to be wild, and the Ernest’s have a cool house. But I didn’t kill anybody!”

“Why did you lie about being at home alone that night?” Liv demanded.

“I knew I would be treated as a suspect,” Nick replied, leaning back in his seat, “Kara and I broke up earlier after the homecoming dance because I found her in an empty closet hooking up with that new guy, Pete Barlow. And I did go home, but I couldn’t calm down. I thought if I went to the party, I might be able to win Kara back.”

“Did you notice anything suspicious about her behavior that night?” Clive asked. Liv had requested a copy of the most recent student ID photos and was thumbing through them. she found a picture of Barlowe and gasped, falling into a vision.

Clive glanced at the photo Liv had just seen, noting the image of Barlowe and recognizing the teenager from the sketch of the man Liv had described from her vision. The secretary at the high school informed them that Barlowe had not been to class that week.

Clive put out an all-points bulletin. There was a warrant for drug charges, and the possible relationship with the deceased, plus his sudden vanishing act made him a suspect.

-X-

Nick didn’t admit to anything other than being present at the party on the night of the murders, and in the end, they had to let him go back to class.

They did not, however, leave empty handed. As they were packing to leave, two girls wearing cheer squad t-shirts appeared in the doorway. Their names were Tiffany and Miranda, and they had seen Kara and Nick arguing about something at the party on the night of the murders.

“I think he knew she was cheating on him,” Tiffany told them, the volume of her voice going down when she said the word ‘cheating’.

“I think she was selling drugs,” Miranda said, “she had been acting strangely for months, hanging with weird people. I mean,” Miranda stared pointedly at Liv’s purple hair, “besides her sister.”

“Do you believe Kara ever used any drugs?” Clive asked.

“No way!” Tiffany cried at the same instant Miranda answered.

“Who knows. Have you talked with Bethany, Kourtney’s friend? The sisters were really close somehow, in spite of how different they were. She might know something.” 

-X-

Ravi met them at the police station with his autopsy report. There weren’t many surprises. Kourtney had severe burns over eighty percent of her body and had died of smoke inhalation. Kara had bruises around her neck and water in her lungs consistent with strangulation and drowning. The surprise came when Ravi revealed the Utopium that had been found in Kara’s purse.

“Maybe that’s the demon Kourtney thought her sister was possessed by,” Clive suggested.

“I saw Kourtney’s killer,” Liv told them, “it was Barlowe. He called her Kara, said her disguise didn’t fool him.”

“Maybe Barlowe didn’t realize that Kara had a twin sister,” Ravi theorized, “talk about an unfortunate coincidence.”

“So, we have two killers, two victims, and both killers were after the same girl,” Clive summarized where the conversation was heading.

“Exactly.”

“This is a mess,” Liv sighed.

-X-

Liv and Clive decided to pay Bethany a visit at her home. Her mother opened the door, Clive flashed his badge and they were invited inside and directed to Bethany’s bedroom.  
Clive knocked on the door, and there was no answer. Bethany’s mother opened it, ready to scold her daughter for being rude.

Instead they found Bethany kneeling in the floor surrounded by burning candles and concentrating on an Ouija board, and a photograph of Kourtney.

“This is why somebody killed her friend,” Mrs. Calloway said, “the girls think they are witches.”

Liv entered the room and sat down next to Bethany, putting her hands on the little marker that was supposed to be moved around the board by spirits. Bethany looked up.

“We would like to speak with Kourtney too,” Liv told her, closing her eyes and letting the teenager do the talking. Mrs. Calloway walked away in disgust, while Clive sat down on Bethany’s bed to eavesdrop on her conversation with the dead.

When they were finished, Bethany was crying and Liv somehow knew how to properly close the connection between the two realms.

Then, Clive asked his questions about Kourtney and her relationship with Kara.

“They were really close,” Bethany said, tears in her eyes, “I thought it was strange because they were so different, but they hung out together all of the time. I was never friends with Kara’s friends, but she was always nice to me.”

“Did Kourtney mention any thing about her sister behaving strangely?” Clive asked. Bethany frowned.

“Yes. Kourtney hated Nick, that’s Kara’s boyfriend? She thought he was controlling. He didn’t like Kara spending so much time with us because we’re not like them. we’re not pretty or popular. We don’t go to football games or get invited to the cool parties. Actually, Kourtney and I were hanging out here the night of the murders. She had just gotten a book about reading tea leaves? She only left because Kara had sent her a text saying that Nick was scaring her. We were going to text her when we were close so we could all walk home together.” Bethany was sobbing now. “I saw the guy who burned Kourt. He was dressed all in black and had on a ski mask. He just splashed liquid on her and then flicked a lighter and threw it at her. It all happened so fast.”

“We’re sorry for your loss,” Liv said kindly.

“Thank you for your help,” Clive added.

-X-

At the station, Clive had Vampire Steve go through the girl’s phones looking for those last couple of text Bethany had described.

The warrant for the Ernest’s security footage had come through as well, so he served that and found exactly what he needed to arrest Nick for the murder of Kara Lawrence. 

Barlowe had been picked up in Spokane.

Liv shuddered when Clive showed her the footage. The two kids had seemed like such a normal, all-American couple. It seemed impossible that each had harbored such dark secrets.

“This is a classic example of why one should never judge a book by it’s cover,” Ravi agreed, watching the footage with them.

The medical team could tell that the footage had bothered Clive too. If he was a little rough when he cuffed the teen and read him his rights, well, nobody needed to know about it.

-X-

Liv found herself at Major and Ravi’s house again that night. She was happy that the case was finished, but thought she might miss Kourtney’s brain a little. The teenager had been weird, but happy. She had done the things she wanted to do and had spent her time with the people she loved. It seemed to Liv like a pretty good way of doing life.

Major had been out doing secret mercenary things all day and had gotten shot several times in places that would have killed a human. However, he was in good spirits, despite admitting to eating a brain tube. He let Liv read his palm.

Ravi returned from paying the pizza guy and smiled fondly at his zombie friends. He was going to miss the sister brains too. It was clear that the two dumdums’ eating the double-jalapeno pizza still loved each other, and he hoped that one day they would come to that realization on their own. 


End file.
